Freedom from fear
Fear. It shows up in nearly every coaching/mentoring conversation I have. Sometimes it’s bold and in-your-face and can’t be denied, and sometimes it’s sneaky and disguised as anger or laziness and has to be coaxed out into the light. Fear is a common and a powerful emotion felt by all living creatures. It tends to have a strong effect emotionally and physically.
According to Dictionary.com it means “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. — whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.”
Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that causes a racing heart, fast breathing and energized muscles, among other things, also known as the fight-or-flight response. … The brain is a profoundly complex organ.
Fear is a powerful and primitive human emotion. It alerts us to the presence of danger and was critical in keeping our ancestors alive.
Although the focus of the response is different (real vs. imagined danger), fear and anxiety are interrelated. When faced with fear, most people will experience the physical reactions that are described under anxiety. Fear causes anxiety, and anxiety can cause fear.
There are at least four kinds of fear that I have encountered in many conversations and much research. I suspect it’s even more complex, but this is at least a start in understanding it.
Fear of Failure
Everyone hates to fail, but for some people, failing presents such a significant psychological threat their motivation to avoid failure exceeds their motivation to succeed. This fear of failure causes them to unconsciously sabotage their chances of success, in a variety of ways. Because of these we tend to selecting safe situations where winning or losing is not on the line and not taking real risks. We look out or choose the easy route.
Fear of being Wrong
Many of us do not like to admit that we are in the wrong. The power of being ‘right’ takes control of your judgement, turns into an obsession, an irrational fear which could put pressure on yourself or put a strain on many relationships. Because of this we avoiding situations where our intelligence might truly be tested and at times never explore further to know the answers.
Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is an irrational fear that has us convinced that people won’t accept or approve of us due to our opinions, looks, personality, values, beliefs or behaviour. Living with the fear of rejection can be quite detrimental to our quality of life as it tends to impact and influence many aspects of our everyday experience. Due to this we feel as though we’re incapable or merely unable to express our own personal opinions. We hold back or not speak up our opinions about certain things because we fear that other people might disapprove or disagree.
Fear of being emotionally uncomfortable
Discomfort isn’t intense pain, but just the feeling you get when you’re out of your comfort zone. Eating vegetables for many people, for example, brings discomfort. So does sitting in meditation, or sitting with a hard task in front of you, or saying No to people, or exercising. Or even confronting death (Of course, different people are uncomfortable with different things, but you get the idea.) And most people don’t like discomfort. They run from it. It’s not fun, so why do it? The problem is that when you run from discomfort all the time, you are restricted to a small zone of comfort, and so you miss out on most of life.
How to overcome FEAR
AWARE technique
Fear and anxiety can feel as if they ‘just happen to us’, but we have much more control than we realize. AWARE is an acronym standing for:
A: Accept the anxiety. Don’t try to fight it.
W: Watch the anxiety by visualizing it. Just watch it and when you notice it, scale your level of fear and start to breathe longer on the out-breath.
A: Stands for ‘Act. Start taking actions from the visualization esp the next steps. Take baby steps if required.
R: Repeat the above steps in your mind if necessary. And Discuss/share with a mentor/manager
E: Expect the best. One of the greatest feelings in life is the realization that you can control fear much more than you thought possible.
Develop scenarios
• What is the best/worst case of scenarios?
• What are the RISKS / Opportunities?
• What are the next steps?
Overcoming fear and anxiety will give you the ‘spare capacity’ in life to focus on what you really want to be and do. It takes effort, but imagine the rewards.
Written By
TM Nagarajan/Managing partner
